Trevor Noah Jokes That Black People Should ‘See How Far We Can Push Starbucks’ (Video)

On Wednesday’s episode of “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah took a minute to celebrate “good news” for racist Starbucks employees, and suggested that black people have a little fun at the coffee shop chain’s expense over the wrongful arrest of two black customers last week.

“If you’re a racist barista at Starbucks, good news! You’ve got about a month left to wild out,” Noah said about the company’s announcement that it will give employees new racial-bias training after two black men were arrested at a Philadelphia Starbucks last Thursday while waiting for a friend to join them.

Video of the arrest, in which other customers were heard insisting the two men had done nothing wrong, went viral over the weekend. Philadelphia police have since opened an investigation, the store’s manager was fired, and Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson publicly apologized.

Also Read: ‘Daily Show’ Host Trevor Noah: Trump’s ‘Dong Has Its Own Economy’ (Video)

“I just want to say props to Starbucks. As a company, they didn’t just apologize, they’re actually doing something about it… and I bet from now on they’re gonna be a lot more careful when it comes to dealing with race,” Noah said.

Also Read: ‘The Daily Show’: Trevor Noah Suggests Mueller Could Learn from Stormy Daniels, Spank Trump (Video)

“In fact I was thinking,” Noah continued, “you know what black people should do? I think we should see just how far we can push Starbucks now, just to mess with them. Like, now we go back after they’ve done the racial bias training, and just use the bathroom but take all the toilet paper home with us.”

Noah continued with a few other examples of what could be done to mess with Starbucks. Watch the whole thing above.

Related stories from TheWrap:

Charlize Theron Says ‘Racism’ May Drive Her and Her Black Children Out of the Country

Donald Glover’s Leaked ‘Deadpool’ TV Script Questions If Series Was Canceled Due to ‘Racism’

‘Real Time’: Vicente Fox Says School Shootings Are a Byproduct of Racism

Tucker Carlson Slaps Back After Bill Kristol Calls His Fox News Show ‘Close to Racism’

On Wednesday’s episode of “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah took a minute to celebrate “good news” for racist Starbucks employees, and suggested that black people have a little fun at the coffee shop chain’s expense over the wrongful arrest of two black customers last week.

“If you’re a racist barista at Starbucks, good news! You’ve got about a month left to wild out,” Noah said about the company’s announcement that it will give employees new racial-bias training after two black men were arrested at a Philadelphia Starbucks last Thursday while waiting for a friend to join them.

Video of the arrest, in which other customers were heard insisting the two men had done nothing wrong, went viral over the weekend. Philadelphia police have since opened an investigation, the store’s manager was fired, and Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson publicly apologized.

“I just want to say props to Starbucks. As a company, they didn’t just apologize, they’re actually doing something about it… and I bet from now on they’re gonna be a lot more careful when it comes to dealing with race,” Noah said.

“In fact I was thinking,” Noah continued, “you know what black people should do? I think we should see just how far we can push Starbucks now, just to mess with them. Like, now we go back after they’ve done the racial bias training, and just use the bathroom but take all the toilet paper home with us.”

Noah continued with a few other examples of what could be done to mess with Starbucks. Watch the whole thing above.

Related stories from TheWrap:

Charlize Theron Says 'Racism' May Drive Her and Her Black Children Out of the Country

Donald Glover's Leaked 'Deadpool' TV Script Questions If Series Was Canceled Due to 'Racism'

'Real Time': Vicente Fox Says School Shootings Are a Byproduct of Racism

Tucker Carlson Slaps Back After Bill Kristol Calls His Fox News Show 'Close to Racism'

Tiffany Haddish, Trevor Noah Set For Just For Laughs Comedy Festival

The Just For Laughs comedy festival announced its first slate of performers for its 36th edition of the Montreal-based fest. Tiffany Haddish and Trevor Noah are set to join event along with Jo Koy, Jimmy Carr and previously announced guest Kevin Hart.
This year marks a return to the festival for the Emmy and Peabody-Award-winning host of The Daily Show, Trevor Noah. He will host two of the five Just For Laughs Galas that will take place over five evenings. The multi-comic…

The Just For Laughs comedy festival announced its first slate of performers for its 36th edition of the Montreal-based fest. Tiffany Haddish and Trevor Noah are set to join event along with Jo Koy, Jimmy Carr and previously announced guest Kevin Hart. This year marks a return to the festival for the Emmy and Peabody-Award-winning host of The Daily Show, Trevor Noah. He will host two of the five Just For Laughs Galas that will take place over five evenings. The multi-comic…

Trevor Noah: Sean Hannity Isn’t Mad Covering FBI Raid On Michael Cohen’s Office, He’s Scared

Trevor Noah joined the pile-on of late-night hosts having fun with today’s revelation Sean Hannity is the “mystery” third client of Donald Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen.
Cohen, who now finds himself in “deep federal investigation shit” after an FBI raid on his office, home, and hotel room, only had had three clients in the past year, The Daily Show host explained.
First is President Trump, who Cohen helped to pay off a porn star with whom Trump allegedly had an…

Trevor Noah joined the pile-on of late-night hosts having fun with today’s revelation Sean Hannity is the “mystery” third client of Donald Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen. Cohen, who now finds himself in “deep federal investigation shit” after an FBI raid on his office, home, and hotel room, only had had three clients in the past year, The Daily Show host explained. First is President Trump, who Cohen helped to pay off a porn star with whom Trump allegedly had an…

Late-Night Hosts Slam Sean Hannity for Sharing Trump Lawyer


“This is crazy, Cohen only has two other clients and all he does for them is pay off mistresses, which raises the obvious question: who did Sean Hannity have sex with?”

read more


"This is crazy, Cohen only has two other clients and all he does for them is pay off mistresses, which raises the obvious question: who did Sean Hannity have sex with?”

read more

Trevor Noah on All Those Trump-Related Hush Payments: ‘His Dong Has Its Own Economy’ (Video)

This has been a particularly hectic week for Donald Trump-related news, and keeping up with everything has proven impossible for regular people and late-night talk show hosts alike. They have to just pick one thing and go with it each day because there’s no way to get to everything. On Thursday night, “The Daily Show” host Trevor Noah decided that the report about the possibility that Trump had a secret love child in the ’80s was going to be his focus.

The story goes that a former doorman at a Trump building had a rumor that in the 1980s, Trump had an affair with a maid and even had a kid with her — a secret kid that no one knew about — and that the National Enquirer paid him for the exclusive rights to his story and then spiked the story to keep it secret.

“Trump might have a secret kid? I bet everyone who doesn’t know their father right now is panicking,” Noah joked during his opening segment. “Yeah, they’re phoning their moms like, ‘Tell me it wasn’t him, mom! Tell me it wasn’t him! Tell me it was a crackhead! Tell me I have crackhead blood, momma!’”

Also Read: Stephen Colbert Jokes That Trump’s Wedding Vows Referenced the Pee Tape (Video)

Noah then expressed some concern about the impact it could have on the country if Trump actually goes straight.

“Every week we seem to find out that someone else got money to keep quiet about one of Trump’s affairs. At this point, it’s almost like his dong has its own economy. You know, like a GDP — Gross Domestic Penis. That’s what it feels like right now,” Noah said. “I mean think about it, everyone’s getting paid — doormen, porn stars, lawyers. At this point, I’m worried if Trump stops cheating on Melania, the stock market will crash. There’s just gonna be another recession.”

But Noah couldn’t help but circle back around to the possibility that anyone in their late 20s or early 30s could conceivably be Trump’s secret kid.

Also Read: Seth Meyers to Paul Ryan: ‘You Gave Us Donald Trump. You Should Have to Live With Him’ (Video)

“Everyone in the story is talking about whether these payoffs constitute illegal campaign contributions. That’s why it’s big news. But for me, there’s a bigger story here. You realize if you were born in the 1980s, you might be Donald Trump’s child. Yeah. You could be in line to inherit billions of dollars in debt,” Noah said, before coming to a huge realization.

“In fact, I was a child born in the 1980s. Oh, my gosh! It’s me! Papa Donald? I always felt like there was something, something connecting the two of us. So similar, folks. Everyone said it. I can see it now. I’ll show you my birth certificate!”

You can watch this portion of the opening segment from Thursday’s “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” in the video embedded at the top of this post.

Related stories from TheWrap:

Stephen Colbert Jokes That Trump’s Wedding Vows Referenced the Pee Tape (Video)

Seth Meyers to Paul Ryan: ‘You Gave Us Donald Trump. You Should Have to Live With Him’ (Video)

Kimmel Subtly Responds to Hannity’s Threat, Says Nobody Cares He Was on ‘The Man Show’ (Video)

This has been a particularly hectic week for Donald Trump-related news, and keeping up with everything has proven impossible for regular people and late-night talk show hosts alike. They have to just pick one thing and go with it each day because there’s no way to get to everything. On Thursday night, “The Daily Show” host Trevor Noah decided that the report about the possibility that Trump had a secret love child in the ’80s was going to be his focus.

The story goes that a former doorman at a Trump building had a rumor that in the 1980s, Trump had an affair with a maid and even had a kid with her — a secret kid that no one knew about — and that the National Enquirer paid him for the exclusive rights to his story and then spiked the story to keep it secret.

“Trump might have a secret kid? I bet everyone who doesn’t know their father right now is panicking,” Noah joked during his opening segment. “Yeah, they’re phoning their moms like, ‘Tell me it wasn’t him, mom! Tell me it wasn’t him! Tell me it was a crackhead! Tell me I have crackhead blood, momma!'”

Noah then expressed some concern about the impact it could have on the country if Trump actually goes straight.

“Every week we seem to find out that someone else got money to keep quiet about one of Trump’s affairs. At this point, it’s almost like his dong has its own economy. You know, like a GDP — Gross Domestic Penis. That’s what it feels like right now,” Noah said. “I mean think about it, everyone’s getting paid — doormen, porn stars, lawyers. At this point, I’m worried if Trump stops cheating on Melania, the stock market will crash. There’s just gonna be another recession.”

But Noah couldn’t help but circle back around to the possibility that anyone in their late 20s or early 30s could conceivably be Trump’s secret kid.

“Everyone in the story is talking about whether these payoffs constitute illegal campaign contributions. That’s why it’s big news. But for me, there’s a bigger story here. You realize if you were born in the 1980s, you might be Donald Trump’s child. Yeah. You could be in line to inherit billions of dollars in debt,” Noah said, before coming to a huge realization.

“In fact, I was a child born in the 1980s. Oh, my gosh! It’s me! Papa Donald? I always felt like there was something, something connecting the two of us. So similar, folks. Everyone said it. I can see it now. I’ll show you my birth certificate!”

You can watch this portion of the opening segment from Thursday’s “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” in the video embedded at the top of this post.

Related stories from TheWrap:

Stephen Colbert Jokes That Trump's Wedding Vows Referenced the Pee Tape (Video)

Seth Meyers to Paul Ryan: 'You Gave Us Donald Trump. You Should Have to Live With Him' (Video)

Kimmel Subtly Responds to Hannity's Threat, Says Nobody Cares He Was on 'The Man Show' (Video)

Late-Night Hosts Say Their Goodbyes to Paul Ryan

‘The Late Show’ remembered the Wisconsin representative’s “most courageous stances,” while ‘Late Night With Seth Meyers’ commemorated his time in Congress with a song.read more


'The Late Show' remembered the Wisconsin representative's "most courageous stances," while 'Late Night With Seth Meyers' commemorated his time in Congress with a song.

read more

Trevor Noah: Trump’s Attorney-Client Privilege May Be Dead, but He Still Has White Privilege (Video)

Trevor Noah kicked off Tuesday’s episode of “The Daily Show” with a long segment about the FBI raid on the office of Donald Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen after delivering only a few quick zingers on Monday since the news broke so late in the afternoon. But it was worth the wait.

“You can tell this raid has got Trump rattled because this morning the president tweeted this,” Noah said, referring to Trump’s “Attorney-client privilege is dead!” tweet. Noah played a clip of a CNN anchor talking about the tweet and Trump’s angry response to the Cohen raid both on Monday and Tuesday, saying Trump “went to bed fuming and woke ranting,” and image that had Noah in stitches as he tried to picture it.

“Poor Trump. I imagine him in bed this morning just tears streaming down his face, like, ‘Nooooooo! mM attorney-client privilege is deeeeeeeead! “At least i’ve still got you, white privilege, don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever leave me!’” Noah exclaimed. “Look, the fact is, attorney-client privilege doesn’t apply when prosecutors have probable cause to believe that you and your lawyer were committing a crime together. It doesn’t work. So i think it’s pretty clear that Trump is probably just shouting out legal terms he’s heard on ‘Law and Order.’ Tomorrow he will be like, “OBJECTION! DOUBLE JEOPARDY, YOUR HONOR. HABEAS CORPUS!’”

Also Read: Seth Meyers: Trump’s New Strategy Is ‘To Act so Guilty the Feds Will Think He Has to Be Innocent’ (Video)

Earlier in the segment, “The Daily Show” played the clip from Monday in which Trump talked about the raid during a meeting that was supposed to be about Syria, in which he described it as “an attack on all we stand for.

“That’s right, it’s an attack on what we all stand for,” Noah agreed, facetiously. “You know, the American ideals of life, liberty and the pursuit of having a lawyer pay off your side chick.”

In that same clip from Monday and again on Twitter Tuesday morning, Trump called the situation, as he always does, a “witch hunt,” but Noah wasn’t so sure of that comparison because a literal witch hunt would be much easier to pull off, and the hoops required for the FBI to be able to raid a lawyer’s office are much more difficult to jump through than the very low standards of proof needed to burn a witch back in the day.

Also Read: Jimmy Kimmel on Trump Twitter Tirade after Cohen Raid: ‘Witch Hunt Is the New MAGA’ (Video)

“That doesn’t sound like a witch hunt to me because witch hunts were really simple, right? Back then it was just like, ‘She shrank my penis! Burn her at the stake!’ That’s pretty much all you needed. What we’re hearing way is just too much legal procedure to be considered a witch hunt. Like if people in Salem had this kind of due process, they would have never burned anyone. No one would have died,” Noah said, before acting out a dialogue of someone who wants to burn a woman alive for being a witch facing down the relatively high standards of modern law.

Wannabe witch burner: “She shrank my penis, let’s burn her at the stake!”

Salem judge: “All right all right, but first you must fill out this official complaint.”

Wannabe witch burner: “Okay, and then we’ll burn her!”

Salem judge: “No no, wait, then we’ll have to see what the witnesses say and how big your penis originally used to be.”

Also Read: Colbert: After FBI Took Cohen’s Phone, ‘He’s Going to Have to Threaten Porn Stars by Telegram’ (Video)

Wannabe witch burner: “What was that?”

Salem judge: “We need to know how big your penis actually was.”

Wannabe witch burner: “You know what? Forget it, man, I actually made up the witch thing because Hester wouldn’t let me smash. I’m going to tell the truth.”

You can watch this portion of the opening segment from Tuesday’s “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” in the video embedded at the top of this post.

Related stories from TheWrap:

Jimmy Kimmel on Trump Twitter Tirade after Cohen Raid: ‘Witch Hunt Is the New MAGA’ (Video)

Seth Meyers: Trump’s New Strategy Is ‘To Act so Guilty the Feds Will Think He Has to Be Innocent’ (Video)

Colbert: After FBI Took Cohen’s Phone, ‘He’s Going to Have to Threaten Porn Stars by Telegram’ (Video)

Trevor Noah kicked off Tuesday’s episode of “The Daily Show” with a long segment about the FBI raid on the office of Donald Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen after delivering only a few quick zingers on Monday since the news broke so late in the afternoon. But it was worth the wait.

“You can tell this raid has got Trump rattled because this morning the president tweeted this,” Noah said, referring to Trump’s “Attorney-client privilege is dead!” tweet. Noah played a clip of a CNN anchor talking about the tweet and Trump’s angry response to the Cohen raid both on Monday and Tuesday, saying Trump “went to bed fuming and woke ranting,” and image that had Noah in stitches as he tried to picture it.

“Poor Trump. I imagine him in bed this morning just tears streaming down his face, like, ‘Nooooooo! mM attorney-client privilege is deeeeeeeead! “At least i’ve still got you, white privilege, don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever leave me!'” Noah exclaimed. “Look, the fact is, attorney-client privilege doesn’t apply when prosecutors have probable cause to believe that you and your lawyer were committing a crime together. It doesn’t work. So i think it’s pretty clear that Trump is probably just shouting out legal terms he’s heard on ‘Law and Order.’ Tomorrow he will be like, “OBJECTION! DOUBLE JEOPARDY, YOUR HONOR. HABEAS CORPUS!'”

Earlier in the segment, “The Daily Show” played the clip from Monday in which Trump talked about the raid during a meeting that was supposed to be about Syria, in which he described it as “an attack on all we stand for.

“That’s right, it’s an attack on what we all stand for,” Noah agreed, facetiously. “You know, the American ideals of life, liberty and the pursuit of having a lawyer pay off your side chick.”

In that same clip from Monday and again on Twitter Tuesday morning, Trump called the situation, as he always does, a “witch hunt,” but Noah wasn’t so sure of that comparison because a literal witch hunt would be much easier to pull off, and the hoops required for the FBI to be able to raid a lawyer’s office are much more difficult to jump through than the very low standards of proof needed to burn a witch back in the day.

“That doesn’t sound like a witch hunt to me because witch hunts were really simple, right? Back then it was just like, ‘She shrank my penis! Burn her at the stake!’ That’s pretty much all you needed. What we’re hearing way is just too much legal procedure to be considered a witch hunt. Like if people in Salem had this kind of due process, they would have never burned anyone. No one would have died,” Noah said, before acting out a dialogue of someone who wants to burn a woman alive for being a witch facing down the relatively high standards of modern law.

Wannabe witch burner: “She shrank my penis, let’s burn her at the stake!”

Salem judge: “All right all right, but first you must fill out this official complaint.”

Wannabe witch burner: “Okay, and then we’ll burn her!”

Salem judge: “No no, wait, then we’ll have to see what the witnesses say and how big your penis originally used to be.”

Wannabe witch burner: “What was that?”

Salem judge: “We need to know how big your penis actually was.”

Wannabe witch burner: “You know what? Forget it, man, I actually made up the witch thing because Hester wouldn’t let me smash. I’m going to tell the truth.”

You can watch this portion of the opening segment from Tuesday’s “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” in the video embedded at the top of this post.

Related stories from TheWrap:

Jimmy Kimmel on Trump Twitter Tirade after Cohen Raid: 'Witch Hunt Is the New MAGA' (Video)

Seth Meyers: Trump's New Strategy Is 'To Act so Guilty the Feds Will Think He Has to Be Innocent' (Video)

Colbert: After FBI Took Cohen's Phone, 'He's Going to Have to Threaten Porn Stars by Telegram' (Video)