It’s 3 p.m., so let’s watch a 1987 diet video hosted by Vanna White

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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom wants us to feel bad for the damn monsters

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Well, hello, here’s a TV show about a “cat samurai”

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A vocal coach tries to make sense of Fergie’s disastrous national anthem

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All Olympic figure skating routines should be Star Wars-themed

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Reality bends, but manages to hold as Will Ferrell and doppelgänger Chad Smith meet once again

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All hail the greatest Olympic sport: Cat curling

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But seriously, what the fuck was Justin Timberlake wearing last night?

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Groundhog apparently fed up with this shit, starts biting people

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Disneyland robot heads fall off in innovative new approach to scarring children

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Illuminati endgame begins as Oprah reveals 3 hands, Reese Witherspoon 3 legs

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The Rock will not humor your critiques of Jumanji’s internal logic

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MoonPie and Wendy’s are friends now because the internet is a corporate hellscape

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This year, commit yourself to the calming influence of a horror movie every day

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Bill Murray would like for you to help him pick out some pants

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A brief history of Zack Morris being a complete piece of shit

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Feel the cruel passage of time with this retro version of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”

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Enjoy a short clip of Harvey Weinstein getting smacked in the jowls

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Follow this paw-sitively sad quest to find Air Bud’s grave

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Normal person Donald Trump uses both hands to drink water

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